How Newborn Babies Are Like Black Holes
1. Like Black Holes, babies warp time and space.
For example, whenever I hold Alex time slows down, just as time stretches out as it reaches the event horizon.
2. Like Black Holes, babies suck in everything around them.
For example, Alex will attempt to suck on anything. Fingers, toys, and my nipples. Note to self: no matter how hot it is, leave your shirt on...
3. Like Black Holes, babies let nothing escape.
For example, once I start holding Alex, I cannot put him down, even if he is asleep. If I do, he knows.
He always knows.
4. Like Black Holes, babies cannot be completely understood.
For example, when Alex cries, I usually have no idea if he wants to eat, sleep, or just has gas...
5. Like Black Holes, babies are merciless.
For example, no matter how tired or hungry I am, Alex does not care. I am his.